All The TV

The Best TV Shows Ever (brought to you by Old White People™)

I’ve made it abundantly clear in the past that I hate the idea of “Best TV Show” lists, but what if someone were to prove me completely wrong? What if a convergence of the greatest minds in entertainment criticism were to come together to create a wholly perfect list of the Greatest TV Shows Of All Time. One List To Rule Them All, if you will.

Well, People magazine and ABC partnered up to do…exactly the opposite of that in a “20/20” special, “Best in TV: The Greatest TV Shows of Our Time.” But just exactly whose time they are referring to is a little unclear…take a look:

Best TV Drama
5) “Mad Men”
4) “The West Wing”
3) “The Sopranos”
2) “The Twilight Zone”
1) “E.R.”

I have a very simple question about the above: ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME “E.R.”? Follow-up question: “BREAKING BAD?” That’s honestly all I can say. “E.R.” is really throwing me off, you guys. Moving on…

Best Cop or Legal Show
5) “Hill Street Blues”
4) “24”
3) “Columbo”
2) “Law & Order”
1) “Law & Order: SVU”

…the oversight of not including “The Wire” in the Best Dramas list would be somewhat forgivable if it had managed to pop up in this list. Are we sure People and ABC know what cops are? Because I watched every season of “24” and I don’t remember seeing cops. Ever. Jack Bauer doesn’t have time for cops! We also live in a world where “Law & Order” and “Law & Order: SVU” are both considered better than “The Shield,” so feel free to cry about that.

Best Variety Show
5) “The Ed Sullivan Show”
4) “American Bandstand”
3) “In Living Color”
2) “The Carol Burnett Show”
1) “Saturday Night Live”

Why is this a category when only one of these shows has existed in the past TWO DECADES? Wait…I’m starting to think really old people made these lists…

Best TV Comedy
5) “All in the Family”
4) “The Cosby Show”
3) “M*A*S*H”
2) “Seinfeld”
1) “I Love Lucy”

CONFIRMED.

Best Reality TV Show
5) “Deadliest Catch”
4) “The Amazing Race”
3) “Survivor”
2) “American Idol”
1) “Dancing With the Stars”

DOUBLE CONFIRMED. DWtS is a certified staple in nursing homes across the continent. I know this. I’ve done research.

Best TV Comedy
5) “Cheers”
4) “All in the Family”
3) “Seinfeld”
2) “M*A*S*H”
1) “I Love Lucy”

Is this just a slightly rehashed version of the Best Comedies list? Yes, yes it is. Listen, the people who work at People and ABC have VERY BUSY SCHEDULES. They have actually only watched like 10 shows ever, so give them a break.

Best TV Mom
5) June Cleaver, “Leave it to Beaver” 
4) Mrs. Cunningham, “Happy Days”
3) Marie, “Everybody Loves Raymond”
2) Carol Brady, “The Brady Bunch”
1) Claire Huxtable, “The Cosby Show”

Any list in the world that has the words “best” and “mom” in its title that does not include Tami Taylor is objectively horrible.

Best Non-Human TV Character
5) Miss Piggy, “The Muppets” 
4) Alf, “ALF”
3) Spock, “Star Trek”
2) Lassie, “Lassie”
1) Kermit the Frog, “The Muppets”

Lassie, “Lassie”

You can read the rest of the lists here (click at your own risk). After careful calculations, I can confidently declare that the lists were compiled by nostalgic, old white people who would apparently watch literally anything other than “The Wire.”

I’m not saying we’re better than the lovely folks at People magazine and ABC…wait, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

- K