I’m gonna do you, baby. I’m gonna do you so good, I’m gonna wish I was you.

SILK STALKINGS (via fergaliciousdef)

It may seem like All The TV is turning into the “Lines That Were Actually Written” blog this weekend, but you’ve got to admit it — this is just one of the most insane lines in the history of television. It was necessary to post this.

I think restaurants are overrated. I find morgues much more enticing. As do I. - Beauty and the Beast (CW) - 1x11 - “On Thin Ice” Since I can’t quote every single line of the episode (and especially not every single episode of The CW’s Beauty and the Beast), I chose to go with  particular this line. One can only assume that the line was supposed to be sexy, but maybe the writers should go back and really think about that. -L
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I think restaurants are overrated. I find morgues much more enticing.

As do I.

- Beauty and the Beast (CW) - 1x11 - “On Thin Ice”

Since I can’t quote every single line of the episode (and especially not every single episode of The CW’s Beauty and the Beast), I chose to go with  particular this line. One can only assume that the line was supposed to be sexy, but maybe the writers should go back and really think about that.

-L

Interchangeable Female: How long have you been a firefighter? Taylor Kinney: Since the day I was born. In case you didn’t listen to our pilots podcast, this actual interchange from a Chicago Fire promo should be ALL of the reasons you need not to watch the so-mediocre-its-incredibly-mediocre Chicago Fire. -N
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Interchangeable Female: How long have you been a firefighter?

Taylor Kinney: Since the day I was born.

In case you didn’t listen to our pilots podcast, this actual interchange from a Chicago Fire promo should be ALL of the reasons you need not to watch the so-mediocre-its-incredibly-mediocre Chicago Fire.

-N

Oh, don’t be that guy who points fingers. No one likes a pointer. Even in the dog world they’re considered insufferable. OK, ABC, I’m really happy with Wednesday Night Wine and the fact that you picked Happy Endings up for a second season and all that jazz, but I just need to say that you are STILL on my list for royally giving Better Off Ted the shaft. -N
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Oh, don’t be that guy who points fingers. No one likes a pointer. Even in the dog world they’re considered insufferable.

OK, ABC, I’m really happy with Wednesday Night Wine and the fact that you picked Happy Endings up for a second season and all that jazz, but I just need to say that you are STILL on my list for royally giving Better Off Ted the shaft.

-N

You better hire yourself another lawyer. We’re getting out of the scumbag business. So, I’m like three weeks behind the times, but I just subjected myself to the “Franklin & Bash” pilot. Here’s my review: I hereby demand that TNT and the creators of Franklin & Bash create a machine that returns amounts of time to peoples’ lifespans so that they can give me this interminable hour back. Hell, I might even ask for more, since this pilot was so bad it felt like it went on for 8 hours. 8 hours of horrific dialogue like the line above (I think it’s actually impossible for lawyers to get out of the scumbag business), “quirky” (read: annoying) characters, obvious foreshadowing, and wondering how Malcolm McDowell’s career has sunk so low. -N
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You better hire yourself another lawyer. We’re getting out of the scumbag business.

So, I’m like three weeks behind the times, but I just subjected myself to the “Franklin & Bash” pilot. Here’s my review: I hereby demand that TNT and the creators of Franklin & Bash create a machine that returns amounts of time to peoples’ lifespans so that they can give me this interminable hour back. Hell, I might even ask for more, since this pilot was so bad it felt like it went on for 8 hours. 8 hours of horrific dialogue like the line above (I think it’s actually impossible for lawyers to get out of the scumbag business), “quirky” (read: annoying) characters, obvious foreshadowing, and wondering how Malcolm McDowell’s career has sunk so low.

-N

You’re the number one ball cutter in all of Philadelphia.* I plan to discuss Body of Proof in-depth during next week’s podcast (New favorite show to troll? Maybe.), but I couldn’t wait a week to bring up this line. I just couldn’t. *Second best line of the first twenty minutes? “I HAVE A JOB!” Women, amirite? -L
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You’re the number one ball cutter in all of Philadelphia.*

I plan to discuss Body of Proof in-depth during next week’s podcast (New favorite show to troll? Maybe.), but I couldn’t wait a week to bring up this line. I just couldn’t.

*Second best line of the first twenty minutes? “I HAVE A JOB!” Women, amirite?

-L