All The TV

All the TV Pilot Project: ‘Charmed’ - “Something Wicca This Way Comes”

So as promised, we at All the TV watched the pilot episode of The WB’s Charmed. Despite all the snark, as far as WB shows go (and they do go pretty far), this one was kind of a big deal. It did last eight seasons after all. That’s almost as many as Brenda Walsh Hampton’s breakout hit, 7th Heaven.

And sure, it’s easy to forget that this:

all started with this:

On second thought, that’s kind of a natural progression. But not the point.

The point is what we all learned from the “Something Wicca This Way Comes.” And that’s that Charmed’s first episode — and season — is pretty boring. The lawmen cannot get it, and neither can the Charmed Ones. That never really changed as the show went on (unless Julian McMahon’s character Cole Turner counts — the District Attorney would be a “lawman,” right?). The wardrobe hadn’t reached vag tat-revealing (safe for work,  but ridiculous MS Paint) levels yet, but seeing as how Piper Halliwell’s wardrobe in that last screencap (and those bangs — Lea Michele, she is not) is questionable at best, it’s no surprise she went on to spawn mother of the Ariest of Them All.

We also learned that not all puns are clever or fun. Which is why Charmed will forever be Charrrmed! — and other variations — in our All the TV hearts. The writers had the audacity to title an episode that; they need to learn.

I, personally, learned that hairless cats are good for nothin’ types of brothers. Silly witches — why are they trusting cats that scurry away in the face of danger to protect them? Or when it’s time to pay their bills (bills, bills).

And as mentioned on this week’s podcast (which, if nothing else, had a pretty good Charmed discussion, far less rambly than this), neither Nate nor Matt had never seen an episode of Charmed before this and probably won’t be continuing with the series, unless they drunkenly watch “Charrrmed!” or we all decide to watch the Season 4 premiere — where Rose McGowan rolls up all illegitimate child storyline-like — for the pilot project. Kayla and I had already seen every episode, so there’s nothing we can do about that. But Caroline saw the potential for the show to be both good and to fuck itself over, and really, that’s all Charmed is in the end — squandered potential.

But at least that means there was potential in the first place, right?

[Next week: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, “Welcome to the Hellmouth”/”The Harvest”]

P.S. One thing that wasn’t apparent in the pilot but would come to be a staple of Charmed (besides the lack of continuity and near inability to tell a story with shades of grey) was the guest appearances (some even uncredited) of then unknown actors who are now kind of big deals. Off the top of my head, Zachary Quinto (definitely uncredited as a warlock, but not the kind of warlock whose voice gets autotuned — we’re talking post-pilot villainy here), Jon Hamm (as pictured), Amy Adams, Daniel Dae Kim, John Cho, Rainn Wilson, Eric Dane, Misha Collins all had guest appearances on the show, and that’s not even the tip of the Charmed (so, triquetra-shaped?) iceberg. Watching the series would almost be like playing the “Hey, It’s That Guy!” game, only you’ve got very recognizable Academy and Emmy award-nominated actors thrown into the mix.

-L