Life Lessons Learned from a First Viewing of “The O.C.” (Mix 1)
- If a girl asks you for a light, BEWARE: it may be a cover for her bewitching you into eternal emotional slavery, which can run the gamut from fighting her Abercrombie boyfriend to taking the blame for her overdosing to plotting her escape from hospitals because she will convince you that it’s totally your place. BEWARE.
- Running away from home is exactly as dumb as it was when you were four and you took your bike and a pudding cup down the block and back. You may even burn a house down. Dumb.
- Situations can get shitty, but you don’t actually need to panic until there are some shady Minorities lurking nearby. Then you run. (See: Juvie, Hispanic Guy With a Plastic Fork; Mexicans in a Bar; Black Doctor With Diagnoses, etc.)
- Stealing money from clients to cover your own ass is cool so long as you were doing it to finance ponies and whatnot and/or your wife is a harpy who has the audacity to suggest you take responsibility (what a bitch, ammirite?).
- If your life can be described as a perfect combination of the more stupid moments from Serena Van Der Woodsen/Nate Archibald’s lives and you don’t have Chace Crawford’s eyebrows, you need to reevaluate like, yesterday. The only world in which people tolerate those moments lives in your TV, and people are throwing things at it because of people like YOU.
Until Mix 2,